I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
