you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
