just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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