Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
