i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
