i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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