please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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