a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
