I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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