you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
