Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
