Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
