how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
