If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My vagina just recognized that song.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
