The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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