so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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