Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
