Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
