I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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