So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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