Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
