The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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