I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
