like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
splinters make it hard to masturbate
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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