tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
