the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
