the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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