my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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