Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
