either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
