i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
