just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I puked a lego.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
