this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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