Your face is a jimmy john
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Actions speak louder than pants.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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