my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
