I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
