I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
