Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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