I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
