He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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