Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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