He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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