At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
