Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
