I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
