This dress was meant to end up on your floor
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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