Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
