Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
