I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
