i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
What a dumb baby whore.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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