Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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