you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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