booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
