Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
