I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
