we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
