she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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