I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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