Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
