I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
