can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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