So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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