that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
