So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
