Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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