So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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