I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
