im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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