My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
