You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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