Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
